Tuesday 20 January 2015

Coming out of my depression one step at a time....

Before I had any children I worked up at Canary Wharf as a security assistance in Barclays capital!
I used to dress smart and snazzy and always made sure I looked nice.
I moisturised every day, I used night and day cream on my face, shaved regularly, did all the girlie things girls do! 

Once I became pregnant I just became a bit lost.
After I had Noah I did buy some new things and tried to get back to the old me and I thought I had but when I look back I didn't really. 
I've been wearing the same holey tops, jeans that are meant to be skinny but they have started turn into baggy jeans.
I only got worse with the more children i had, specially since being with Jon I pretty much completely stopped caring. This is when I think all my problems started!
 I've been walking around thinking yes I'm not as polished and lovely as you but I don't care at least my children at smart.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised I wasn't ok with it and I gave up in a way and lost all interest in really looking after me. (I tried to look like I cared but I really didn't) 

With a little bit of help and a few doctor visits I'm starting to feel like me and I'm actually taking the time to look and care after me.

I chopped of my waist length hair, as i had completely destroyed it by bleaching it and dying it and bleaching it and dying it! I returned to back to black hair as that suits me best! 
It was sad to cut it but I was only ever wearing it up in a horrible messy bun that looked far from
cool, it just looked dull and drab.

Since having my hair chopped my hair has got its shine back and I'm making an effort to do it! 

Jon has just allowed me to do a big old shop on http://www.next.co.uk as I was looking shabby shabby not shabby chic!

So out go the old and in come the new!

I got 3 pairs of jeans, two of which are a size 10!!!!
4 tops
A new bra ....... You can never have enough!
And a new pair of pyjamas!

I also went on to http://www.schuh.co.uk. and got myself some new converse! 

Just because the boys are nicely dressed and taking care of really shouldn't mean I should forget about me!

I lost myself for a while but I think I'm starting to find her again and i will try my damnedest to beat this and come out the other side smiling! 

Smarting up my act and taking the time out to look after me is one of my goals to start helping me get better, and I feel I'm in the right place in my head now to get on with it! 

I'm far from fixed but at least I'm on the right path.

I have to praise Jon as he has stuck with me through all this and has been my rock! Even when I have been completely horrible to him. 
I could not ask for a better man!

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