Sunday 3 April 2016

Book Review || Kids Don't Come With A Manual

Ever think all the trouble and issues you have with your kids, just happen to you?
I did...up until I read this Kids don't come with a manual book.

Written by Carole and Nadim Saaid

Carole is a Montessori trained teacher, a parenting coach and an NLP practitioner. She is passionate about helping parents on their parenting journey and has more than 14 years of experience teaching young children and working with parents to help them improve their relationship with their kids.

Nadim is a parenting coach and a serial entrepreneur. He holds an MBA from INSEAD and has founded and expanded companies in three continents in such diverse sectors as retail, telecoms, home management and car finance. He is passionate about sharing the transformative parenting tools that have made such a difference in his family life.

As parents of three children, Carole and Nadim wanted to make their family life more harmonious and enjoyable despite their different parenting styles. So life-changing were their discoveries that they have devoted their lives to turning what they learnt into highly effective parenting tools to share, support and guide other parents on their parenting journey.

The first page I read really hit a nerve -

What a child may be thinking in the first chapter;

How to prevent power struggles and other issues

'"I feel like all I hear from my parents is "Do this! Do that!", "No, not like that", which often makes me feel like I can't do anything right.
My parents boss me about the whole time and it makes me feel like I don't matter and whatever I have to say is not important, because mum and dad always know better.
So sometimes, just to get my parents' attention, I will refuse to do as I'm told, or shout "NO", or do something I know I shouldn't be doing.

I also find that arguing works because If I argue enough with my mum, she usually gives in and lets me do what I want to do.
However, when I start arguing with my dad, he gets pretty mad at me.
As I am scared of his reaction, I try not to argue with him. But if I do and he reacts badly, I run to my mum and she usually protects me and tells my dad to leave me alone.'

After reading just that little bit it was like a smack in the face and it was as though Noah wrote it!

We often have struggles with Noah over his screen time, iPad time or even just getting him to do his homework without him having a massive power sulk that he has to do something other than playing his beloved Minecraft.
More often than not it ends in a fight between the three of us.

Jon shouting, Myself shouting and Noah shouting back at us before he stomps off upstairs and starts banging around, leaving Jon and myself carrying on the argument downstairs and blaming each other for not being tougher or being too tough.

I was keen to find out how this book could help us turn it all around.
The book is so easy to read and its nicely set out so you can skip ahead to whatever issues as a parent you are facing, and then will give you tools and tips to help you solve them.

Solving Power struggles has 8 Tools to help you.

1. Teamwork
2.Limited Choices
3. Asking Questions
4. Positive Redirection
5. 'I' Statements
6. Diffusing Whining & Arguing
7. Planning Ahead
8. Creating Routines.

Each tool is a mini chapter and it will tell you about each point, why it works and how to combat it, or plan ahead.
I have found section of the book really helpful for when dealing with Noah when he starts whining about one thing or another.

 With the help of the book both myself and Jon feel we are actually combatting something that has been a huge issue and its slowly becoming a thing of the past.
I'm not sure Noah even knows what's hit the house to turn both our attitudes to him around but he certainly isn't moaning as much as he used to do and it is a lot easier to get his homework done.
Instead of taking over an hour to do its only taking half hour if that.

This by far is one of the best parenting books I have read, and I know it will become like a bible to me when I hit issues with all the boys, I know ill be able to turn to it and think aha that's what I need to be doing. Not like this, but like this.

I highly recommend reading this book to every parent, grandparent, stepmums, stepdads anyone and everyone who looks after children.

It really does put things into perspective, specially when things may seem cloudy.

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